A tale of two Predators

Once upon a time, there was a young and upcoming filmmaker by the name of Robert Rodriguez who, flush from the success of his no-budget Spanish-language debut and its subsequent sequel/re-make, was asked by the Twentieth Century Fox studio to write a follow-up to the original Predator film, keeping with the jungle premise from the first one. The young director’s films had a real vim and vigour about them and what they lacked in a cohesive plot, they more than made up for with their real sense of fun and excitement.

The great and powerful Austrian giant Arnold Schwarzenegger (star of the original film) decided against being in the next one, and so the script was resigned to a shelf where it sat for many, many years, only to be dusted off by the young filmmaker, who was now a fully-fledged big-name director. He agreed to have it re-written and produced the film himself through his own company, for the all powerful Fox studio.

And they all lived happily ever after……… except they didn’t.

Although handing the directing chores over to one of his loyal servants, the film had none of the quirkiness or imagination which characterised the director’s own work. What had been assembled instead was a ‘Mcfilm’ which the faraway land of Hollywood was becoming increasingly good at churning out. There was no actual real human interaction or dialogue spoken between the actors - all they did was spout exposition back and forth for the film’s duration (one of them even resorting to the age-old cliché of showing a picture of his cute kids to his comrades, before succumbing to the alien).

Some fans of the original decided to come out and support the new film anyway, regardless to how bad it was. Most, having seen District 9 the previous summer, knew that you could still make an exciting genre picture with a relatively low budget and not have to resort to making an uninspired retread of the original (with the added bonus of having three extra Predators!)

Some couldn’t give a shit if the film did or didn’t stand up to the original, a film which they had enjoyed as children – they just want to be entertained for 90 minutes.

The end.

Alternative 2009 film list

Another year draws to a close and another list of critic’s top ten end-of-year lists crop up everywhere. Although I have a top ten list of my own (including the likes of Star Trek, Inglorious Basterds, The Hurt Locker, The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Funny People) I thought I would do things slightly different:

Film which has made some critic’s top ten lists, but wouldn’t feature anywhere near mine – Drag Me to Hell

I genuinely don’t understand why there was so much love for this film. Aside from a fun opening and a shockingly uncompromising ending, the film was very predictable (gee, I wonder if the boyfriend’s uptight parent’s dinner will end in disaster?) and, with the exception of Justin Long, poorly acted. I know it’s suppose to be a fun, popcorn horror, but surely star Alison Lohman could have at least looked remotely disturbed and concerned at what was going on around her!

The much raved-about séance scene, which many felt harked back to Raimi’s g(l)ory days, simply didn’t work for me. The level of CGI (particularly involving the possessed goat) looked overly cartoon-ish and just not scary. Even the gross-out stuff done in-camera didn’t push the boundaries enough, presumably to appease the intended mainstream audience. Shame.

Film which I really wanted to love but upon viewing, ultimately found it a little overrated - District 9

Don’t get me wrong, there’s much to admire in this low-budget (for the genre) sci-fi/action hybrid from South Africa, particularly the lead performance, the seamless and creative CGI and the pseudo-documentary narrative approach. I just wish that the second half hadn’t descended into a more conventional action route, complete with multiple gun fights and the snarling, bald bad guy who can’t shoot the hero without the clichéd menacing and protracted pause, allowing for him to perish first. It actually reminded me of those cheap DTV post-apocalyptic actioners from the 80’s. Ordinarily this wouldn’t be too much of a bad thing, but after the initial premise and set-up here, I felt the film was worthy of delivering so much more.

Biggest literary adaptation disappointment of the year - Revolutionary Road

I really love Richard Yates’ novel of the same name, so as you can image, I was a little apprehensive when I read it was being made into a film. I’m not a fan of Sam Mendes for starters, but I knew he was casting good actors and upon viewing the powerful Nina Simone-backed trailer (which even managed to make my girlfriend cry - a first for trailers possibly?) I started to put aside my preconceptions and began to get excited at a possible faithful adaptation. I was very wrong.

In a nutshell, all the nuance of the book was frustratingly whittled down into a dull, lengthy slagging match between Kate and Leo. My only consolation is that maybe others who were similarly disappointed will seek out the original source material.

Best older film find of the year – Matewan

This finally arrived in the post after being on my LoveFilm wish list for months and it was certainly worth the wait! A superb historical ensemble drama, this is up there with Lone Star as my favourite of John Sayles films.

Best non-distracting and effective cameo of the year – Guy Pearce in The Hurt Locker

Although I was already aware of his early demise before I watched this film, I think the strength of Pearce’s understated but solid performances in a very short time on screen, made me really wish what was coming to him didn’t. As for the unsuspecting audience, it's a nasty and unsettling surprise when the character you wrongly perceive to be the lead, is killed ten minutes into the film - nobody is safe after that. I don't know why this guy still isn’t in the same box office league as his LA Confidential co-star, Russell Crowe.

Best naturalistic, slice-of-life film, which would probably appeal to very little of my non-film geek friends who almost always insist on having a busy narrative and plot to follow, and use that as a means of judging the merits of a film – Wendy and Lucy

As I’ve eloquently described above, this film isn’t for everyone, but I really responded to the minimal approach on screen here – same way I did with director Kelly Reinhardt’s previous feature, Old Joy.

Best film of the year which I haven’t seen yet, but hear great things about – In The Loop

For one reason or another, I missed this on its cinema release and I’ve subsequently been told by many friends and acquaintances how fantastic it is and how I was a fool for not catching it on the big screen. It now tops my LoveFilm list, so it could make the 2009 best of as yet.

Best performance which successfully destroyed my innocent childhood memories – Carrie Fischer in White Lightnin

An incredible vanity-free performance from the artist  formally known as Leia Organa, playing a sexually-repressed middle-aged (and looking the part) housewife, who runs off and has lots of frantic sex with twentysomething Appalachian dancer Jesco White in this murky, stylised biopic. If you thought seeing Fisher getting it on with her own brother in a galaxy far, far away was weird, you should check this film out.